


Home Will Feel Like Home Again

by dametokillfor



Series: Untitled ColdAtomWave Series [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mick Rory is not a happy teddy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:06:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7714339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>In his dreams, there’s Lenny and there’s Ray and there’s sweat and there’s hardness and there’s softness and love and it burns him and freezes him until he wakes up hard and desperate with too many names on his lips.</i>
</p><p>---x</p><p>In which Mick is confused, and hurting and he's not okay, but maybe soon he will be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home Will Feel Like Home Again

**Author's Note:**

> I told you I was going to fix things after 'Cut Out My Eyes', and while it's taken longer than I planned, I finally did it. 
> 
> As a word of warning, Mick's not well during this, the show seemed to gloss over the fact that being Kronos would have seriously messed with his head. He's struggling, and as the style hopefully implies, he's scattered mentally and emotionally. I don't believe there's anything that should be too triggering, but I'd rather you guys be safe than sorry. :) 
> 
> Title from The Weeknd's Devil May Cry.

Kronos doesn’t care.

Kronos sees through time, sees a thousand lifetimes with Snart and Palmer, them together, them apart. Kronos sees Rory and Snart fall in love. Rory and Palmer fall in love. Snart and Palmer fall in love. Snart and Allen. Snart and Jackson. Rory and Stein. Palmer and Saunders. Lance and Hunter. Kronos sees everything, a thousand times over and a thousand different paths.

Kronos doesn’t care, Kronos can’t care. Kronos is Mick and Mick is Kronos and they’re the same and they’re not and it hurts _his_ head.

Kronos steals Snart and promises to make him hurt, and Mick promises to keep Lisa safe. (And they’d been in love, and Palmer and Lisa, and Lance and Lisa...)

And Kronos goes after them and they stop him and Snart saves him and Kronos is Mick and Mick is Kronos and it _hurts_.

They want to save him. They want to save _Mick_ , and Palmer is so sincere and Snart doesn’t believe it can happen and it hurts, but it hurts Mick.

Kronos doesn’t care. Kronos doesn’t need to be saved.

\---x

Palmer apologises. Palmer apologises for kissing Snart back. He apologises for having feelings for him, for being Snart’s type and being there and a thousand things.

Kronos doesn’t care.

Mick wants to tell him he doesn’t blame him. Everyone falls for Snart. Snart is bright and burning and beautiful and he knows it.

Palmer tells Mick he was trapped in the 50’s for two years, that he missed the team like a limb had been cut off, that he kind of understood how he was feeling. He tells Mick he missed Snart like his heart had been ripped out, tells him he can only imagine how much it hurt Mick. 

Mick wants to say Kronos lashes out, but it’s all Mick. He slams his fists against the glass, screams that Palmer has no idea, that he will never understand.

He’s revealed himself. Over his thousand lifetimes, he never stopped loving Snart. And Palmer knows now.

\---x

Snart and Rory beat the life out of each other. Snart tells Rory to kill him and Kronos wants to, but Mick _can’t_.

Snart wears his bruises as a sign of submission, as an apology. He wants Mick to know he’s sorry, wants to make sure he knows offering to let Mick kill him wasn’t an empty gesture.

They let Mick out. They think they can trust him. Mick wants to believe them.

\---x

Snart is Ray’s sharpshooter in the Old West. Ray trusts Snart to take a shot that could take him out. He thinks Ray is the only person on the ship who truly trusts Leonard. Mick knows he doesn’t.

Mick doesn’t know what is happening between pair, and he doesn’t know if he has the nerve to ask.

He doesn’t think he can hear the words _I love him_ from Len without breaking, or from Ray without falling apart. (Mick doesn’t break pretty, Mick breaks in rage and flames and destruction.)

He only knows that they still watch each other when they think nobody is watching, and that they both watch him when they think it’s safe.

\---x

Mick finds out what's going on with them a few days later, when he finds them together on the bridge. They’re sat too close, and Ray’s fingers are curled around Leonard’s thigh. It’s warm, it’s easy, it’s the kind of intimate gesture Mick could never give Leonard.

(Mick feels sick, and jealous, and fond and he wants to stake his claim. He wants Snart back and he wants to hurt Ray, but he wants to thank Ray for being with Leonard and believing in him and he’s falling to pieces and there’s nobody there for _him_.)

He announces his presence as Ray leans in to kiss Len, in a move that seems slick and practiced and how dare Len have wanted to die when Ray adores him this much.

Mick makes a half hearted quip, as they turn to look at him, telling them not to let him intrude and takes delight in the guilt in both of their eyes.

\---x

(In his dreams, there’s Lenny and there’s Ray and there’s sweat and there’s hardness and there’s softness and love and it burns him and freezes him until he wakes up hard and desperate with too many names on his lips.)

\---x

Ray breaks first.

Mick isn’t surprised. He’s always been too good, too soft, the kind of man he used to laugh at.

He tears into Mick, screams again about how sorry he is and how if he could turn back time and not fall in love with Snart, then he’d do it.

Mick doesn’t hold back, asks if he’s sure he wouldn’t make sure Snart didn’t fall for him instead so Ray could have his heart from the start.

Mick backs him against a corridor wall, and relishes in the fact Ray still looks frightened of him. He beats down the tiny bit of guilt over the fact he almost likes the idiot.

 _That’s right,_ he wants to growl, _I’m a rabid dog without a muzzle, I don’t have anyone keeping me in check._

The words don’t come, caught in his throat as Ray meets his eyes, tries to stare him down.

Mick doesn’t know who initiates the kiss, if it can even be called such a thing. It’s violent, it’s angry, it’s almost like punishment than anything else. He just knows that both of them need it as much as each other.

Mick is grabbing at Ray’s hair, and biting at his mouth as Ray's hands grip his neck tight enough to bruise.

He tastes of their blood, and Snart and _Ray_ and he gives as good as he gets. He’s addictive, he’s intoxicating, he understands why Len is drawn to him.

Mick wants Snart to see, and he wants to keep it to themselves. He wants Snart to hurt, and he wants him to be happy. And God, he wants Ray ( _why how when_ ) and he wants Snart and he wants to be greedy and to ruin them for each other.

Mick pulls away and his head hurts and Ray is still there and his hands are at Mick’s face and he’s still being good why is he being so _good_? Mick doesn’t deserve good.

“Mick, are you okay?”

And Mick doesn’t know how long it’s been since someone asked him that and truly cared and he hates how fast he snaps and how broken his voice is as he admits the truth.

_No._

Ray’s hands are gentle as they lead him from the corridor, away from the prying eyes of whoever dared walk past and bundle him into his room, his and Snart's, and Mick’s heart clenches and he wants to cry but that’s not him.

The moment Mick’s ass hits the bed, he pulls Ray to him and kisses him again. It’s softer, it’s gentler, it’s less of a fight and more a surrender. He needs this, needs the softness and the tenderness.

Ray doesn’t fight, and Mick knows he should be angry that someone would cheat on Lenny so willingly, but he can’t do it. Len broke his heart, why shouldn’t Mick break his right back?

Ray whispers _Mick_ against his lips. He knows where he is, knows what he’s doing and is happy to give into it. Somehow it makes everything worse, better, _real_.

Ray’s hand slips under Mick’s shirt, pushing it higher to pull over his head. The feel of unfamiliar fingers – thicker, rougher – sends a thrill through him. Mick worries for a moment about whether he knows how to be with anyone other than Lenny.

(He’s 46 and Len’s the only one he’s ever been with. He met his soulmate at 16, why did he need anyone else?)

He lets Ray take the lead, lets him strip them both and lay him down. He lets Ray’s soft lips press kisses and suck marks into his skin. He shudders as Ray’s fingers skate across his scars, and he lovingly kisses them without hesitation. He could love Ray in that moment.

He almost doesn’t hear the door to the room slide open, or the quiet breath that Mick can instantly identify as Len. He almost doesn’t want to look up, wants to stay lost in Ray, but _Len_.

Mick expects to see betrayal, hurt, anger. Instead there’s that slow smile, that warm look that Len would deny being capable of.

“This is a surprise.” He purrs, the smile becoming a smirk, becoming something more _Snart_.

“Len.”

Mick doesn’t know if he says it, or Ray says it, but Snart is responding, shrugging out of his jacket and leaving it on the ground as he crosses to the small bunk.

It’s perfect. It’s _wrong_. It's everything Mick didn’t know he wanted.

They fit, the three of them. Ray and Mick worshipping Len’s body with fingers and lips, Len and Mick showing Ray he belongs with them with soft words and hard kisses, Len and Ray showing Mick that this is where he’s meant to be with quiet promises and whispers of love against his skin.

Snart promises he never stopped loving him too. Ray tells him he can’t remember how long he has.

Mick is surprised to find he feels the same.

\---x

(Their bunk becomes suspiciously larger sometime over the next few days. Hunter claims it’s an upgrade everyone received, but the look on Jax’s face tells them otherwise.

The look on Jax’s face when he realises why their bunk is bigger isn’t the surprise Mick would have expected. The way Stein chokes on his coffee when the realisation seeps through their bond makes up for it).

\---x

 

  

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write this as if it were a train of thought, and I'm hoping it comes across like that, rather than me giving up on grammar and punctuation. 
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://damnstevens.tumblr.com).


End file.
